Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
