How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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