There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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