there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
