this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
