"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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