@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
