I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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