I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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