Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
