Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
