Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
