I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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