Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
