i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
