what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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