A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Found the puke drawer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
