coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
