remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize