well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
