What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the condom got lost in my hair
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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