i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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