So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
