I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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