He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
