Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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