Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
