I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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