Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
