just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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