did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
