If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
