Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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