I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
