You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize