brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize