you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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