wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
