Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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