i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
