What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
