put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
