OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
