I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
