i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
handjob tips. give me some.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
