yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
