i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
