it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
