This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
