Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
