All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
