I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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