Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize