This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
