That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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