shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
