My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
