He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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