nut hugger
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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