$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
