Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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