don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
