It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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