The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
