I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
