He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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