i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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