i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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